Sorry to be so long between posts! Busy busy busy
Now you know: coming to know Jesus as your intimate Friend, Brother, Savior, King — doesn’t get you a bunch of material blessings. I must also tell you: it doesn’t even fix all your problems. Here are a few of the horrifying things which happened to me during some of the most close and wonderful moments I was sharing with the Savior:
- Our beloved little terrier died, and my husband went on a week-long drinking binge, leaving me terrified that he was actually going to be one of those people who drinks himself to death. If you have not walked this path, let me assure you, it is dreadful!
- The economy tanked, so in addition to losing a quarter of the income from my job when my hours were cut, we lost a big chunk of income from my husband’s commission-based salary — with his two grown-up girls relying on us for college loans.
- My mum started showing the symptoms of Alzheimer’s, got lost in the Arizona desert, had to move into an assisted living home and promptly set it on fire. Again, if you have not faced this disease attacking someone you love … I pray you never have to. If you are facing it now, my heart goes out to you.
- I developed a very painful (and humiliating) medical condition that required surgery, lengthy recovery, and yet persists to this day.
- A hurricane hit our house!
- My husband became fixated on my last boyfriend I had before him, and spent a solid six weeks drunk and terrorizing me regarding a night 20 years ago that I couldn’t even remember — before he went into rehab, came out and started drinking again.
- Our new beloved terrier got lost (and found, thank God!), suffered bladder stones and had to have surgery, and nearly died from liver failure after being poisoned by a sago palm in our yard.
No, I wasn’t delirious with joy over any one of these events, but here’s the thing … each one nudged me closer to Christ, which is to say, closer to love, closer to joy, closer to peace. Each one forced me to a better place in God!
My painful heartaches led me to a place where I am more filled with joy, vitality, hope and love than ever before. My problems were there for my promotion. What Joel said was true, and in a much bigger way than he could even have imagined. Trust me. I’m a loser. And I’m telling you this.
I can honestly say, despite the bullets above — or maybe because of them — these days with Jesus, these past eight years that I have been coming to know Him, have been the happiest and best of my life. I can see now that my problems and struggles are where Jesus does His best work, and I would not change things.
Happy moms with plenty of money and healthy children have their little piece of heaven in their home … but I have heaven all the time, always with me, in Jesus, who holds my life in His.
Most winners have neither the time not the impetus to pursue God in this way. But we lucky losers do! Our lives didn’t turn out like we wanted, so we have nothing better to do than wait in silence and darkness for Jesus to meet with us and heal us. And when He does … WE WIN! We come into the fullness of relationship with Him, we come to know the One who is everything and the only thing!